Friday, November 9, 2007
Authentic Connection
Recently, a friend treated me to a Speaking Circles workshop, led by Doreen Hamilton, Training Director at Speaking Circles International.
Having never heard of a speaking circle, I entered the workshop with a curious and open mind. At the end of the day, I was converted to this approach to in-person communication.
Lee Glickstein, author of Be Heard Now! Tap into your inner speaker and communicate with ease, developed the concept of speaking circles as a way to help people, himself included, be comfortable speaking in groups of any size.
The workshop teaches participants how to communicate authentically through what Glickstein calls "relational presence." In essence, the focus is on being oneself and establishing authentic connections with the audience.
As Doreen explained, it's about truly listening--both to oneself and to the audience--and having an authentic conversation based on one-to-one connection with members of the audience.
This is a skill that can be developed over time, with practice and using the tools described in Glickstein's book. Like interviewing and its companion skill, listening, this type of communication is an art that requires genuine interest, caring, and respect for the members of the audience.
Even in the short time frame of the workshop, participants, myself included, noticed a change in how we felt as speakers and audience members.
Doreen urged us to start by being aware of our feelings as we stood in front of the group, remembering to breathe, and becoming comfortable with pausing to think and stay in the present.
By focusing on one audience member at a time, looking calmly and openly into their eyes, and, as Doreen described it: "listening to them listening to me," I felt a deeper connection not only with those individuals, but with the whole group, and also with myself.
As Glickstein explains, the power of relational presence to establish authentic connections comes from the following experiences and feelings that most of us, as human beings, share in common:
* An unfulfilled craving for connection with others
* Anxiety around some area of our lives
* A feeling of being alienated from humanity in general and a nagging sense of not belonging
As Glickstein says, "our audiences, our workplaces, and our families are made up of these people, and the first and most valuable thing we have for anyone is what they crave most: authentic connection. The capacity to invite connection appropriately and expansively in one's area of experience and expertise is a million dollar skill. ... Capacity to invite authentic connection with audiences is the greatest communication art of all."
While the Internet is a fantastic tool for connecting us, it doesn't facilitate the type of connection that Glickstein describes--that is, the type that is best fostered through face-to-face communication.
So, my question to you is: How can we work to assure that our online communications provide authentic connection?
I'm interested in your ideas. I hope you'll share them here.
Having never heard of a speaking circle, I entered the workshop with a curious and open mind. At the end of the day, I was converted to this approach to in-person communication.
Lee Glickstein, author of Be Heard Now! Tap into your inner speaker and communicate with ease, developed the concept of speaking circles as a way to help people, himself included, be comfortable speaking in groups of any size.
The workshop teaches participants how to communicate authentically through what Glickstein calls "relational presence." In essence, the focus is on being oneself and establishing authentic connections with the audience.
As Doreen explained, it's about truly listening--both to oneself and to the audience--and having an authentic conversation based on one-to-one connection with members of the audience.
This is a skill that can be developed over time, with practice and using the tools described in Glickstein's book. Like interviewing and its companion skill, listening, this type of communication is an art that requires genuine interest, caring, and respect for the members of the audience.
Even in the short time frame of the workshop, participants, myself included, noticed a change in how we felt as speakers and audience members.
Doreen urged us to start by being aware of our feelings as we stood in front of the group, remembering to breathe, and becoming comfortable with pausing to think and stay in the present.
By focusing on one audience member at a time, looking calmly and openly into their eyes, and, as Doreen described it: "listening to them listening to me," I felt a deeper connection not only with those individuals, but with the whole group, and also with myself.
As Glickstein explains, the power of relational presence to establish authentic connections comes from the following experiences and feelings that most of us, as human beings, share in common:
* An unfulfilled craving for connection with others
* Anxiety around some area of our lives
* A feeling of being alienated from humanity in general and a nagging sense of not belonging
As Glickstein says, "our audiences, our workplaces, and our families are made up of these people, and the first and most valuable thing we have for anyone is what they crave most: authentic connection. The capacity to invite connection appropriately and expansively in one's area of experience and expertise is a million dollar skill. ... Capacity to invite authentic connection with audiences is the greatest communication art of all."
While the Internet is a fantastic tool for connecting us, it doesn't facilitate the type of connection that Glickstein describes--that is, the type that is best fostered through face-to-face communication.
So, my question to you is: How can we work to assure that our online communications provide authentic connection?
I'm interested in your ideas. I hope you'll share them here.
# posted by Michaela @ 6:39 PM 
Comments:
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Thanks for posting this story on Speaking Circles. I'm really glad to know about this organization. If you're interested in the art of listening, I just found out about an organization called The International Listening Association (at listen.org). They might even be interested in linking to your blog.
Dear g9,
Thanks for your comment and thanks also for telling me about the International Listening Association!
I'm glad to have learned about it.
Best,
Michaela
Thanks for your comment and thanks also for telling me about the International Listening Association!
I'm glad to have learned about it.
Best,
Michaela
Hi Michaela,
You asked: How can we work to assure that our online communications provide authentic connection?
I think we have to practice the same skills as we use when we are face to face with people, i.e. listening, caring and respecting the person you are corresponding with online.
One of the problems with email and instant messenger is that the inflection is often missing, so the real intent of the communication gets lost. To fix this, people have become a lot more conversational, some might say emote-icon happy ;) and casual with online communications. Sometime slang and shorthand says it better than complete sentence YKWIM?
What'YKWIM? (You know what I mean)
Online communications is certainly not a replacement for face-to-face connecting, but with a little crafting, you can be just as present and listen just as well through an email. The trick is to not rely on it all the time and make sure that you make time for the in-person meetings too.
I think teaching the Online Marketing classes is actually better in person and that's something I wasn't expecting. I'd be interested to hear what the student think about the first course in comparison with the second course this semester.
I love your blog and am thrilled you are enjoying it. Many thanks.
Susan
You asked: How can we work to assure that our online communications provide authentic connection?
I think we have to practice the same skills as we use when we are face to face with people, i.e. listening, caring and respecting the person you are corresponding with online.
One of the problems with email and instant messenger is that the inflection is often missing, so the real intent of the communication gets lost. To fix this, people have become a lot more conversational, some might say emote-icon happy ;) and casual with online communications. Sometime slang and shorthand says it better than complete sentence YKWIM?
What'YKWIM? (You know what I mean)
Online communications is certainly not a replacement for face-to-face connecting, but with a little crafting, you can be just as present and listen just as well through an email. The trick is to not rely on it all the time and make sure that you make time for the in-person meetings too.
I think teaching the Online Marketing classes is actually better in person and that's something I wasn't expecting. I'd be interested to hear what the student think about the first course in comparison with the second course this semester.
I love your blog and am thrilled you are enjoying it. Many thanks.
Susan
Hi Susan,
Thanks for your comment! You helped me think through this and realize that online/email communication can be just as effective as in-person.
You are right: We can be present and listen well through email.
In fact, since we don't have the ability to "read" body language when we're communicating in email, we have to work extra hard to make sure our communications are understood by the other person. This can result in better (more clear) communications.
We also have the advantage of being able to review our email communications and think about how the receiver might interpret them. We can revise the message before we send it.
In contrast, once we've spoken out loud to someone, we can't "edit" the message.
Michaela
Thanks for your comment! You helped me think through this and realize that online/email communication can be just as effective as in-person.
You are right: We can be present and listen well through email.
In fact, since we don't have the ability to "read" body language when we're communicating in email, we have to work extra hard to make sure our communications are understood by the other person. This can result in better (more clear) communications.
We also have the advantage of being able to review our email communications and think about how the receiver might interpret them. We can revise the message before we send it.
In contrast, once we've spoken out loud to someone, we can't "edit" the message.
Michaela
Hi Michaela,
As a psychologist specializing in treating anxiety arising from the fear of speaking in public, I’m glad to be able to offer an alternative approach to overcoming stage fright that encourages authenticity. In Speaking Circles, people can find their own voice and learn how to speak to groups of any size. Your description of my class illustrates that the process is natural, like being with a friend and speaking conversationally to just one person.
I also have a blog and hope you will take a look, essentialspeaking.blogspot.com. My book, Essential Speaking: The 7 Step Guide to Finding Your Real Voice will be out next year and you can read a brief description of it on the blog.
See you in a Speaking Circle,
Doreen
As a psychologist specializing in treating anxiety arising from the fear of speaking in public, I’m glad to be able to offer an alternative approach to overcoming stage fright that encourages authenticity. In Speaking Circles, people can find their own voice and learn how to speak to groups of any size. Your description of my class illustrates that the process is natural, like being with a friend and speaking conversationally to just one person.
I also have a blog and hope you will take a look, essentialspeaking.blogspot.com. My book, Essential Speaking: The 7 Step Guide to Finding Your Real Voice will be out next year and you can read a brief description of it on the blog.
See you in a Speaking Circle,
Doreen
Hi Doreen,
Thanks for your comment. I'm glad to learn about your blog and look forward to reading it, and also to reading your upcoming book!
Hope to see you soon.
Best,
Michaela
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Thanks for your comment. I'm glad to learn about your blog and look forward to reading it, and also to reading your upcoming book!
Hope to see you soon.
Best,
Michaela
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